Hi, Mommyís Boo.
Itís been a week since you left us and our hearts are so empty
without your majestic presence. Tinkerbell and Skippy have
figured out that youíve gone. Your kitty is so lost without you
to play with, and Tinkerbell has taken to moping in all the
places you used to lay. And your daddy, Boo, your daddy is so
heartbroken without you. You kept him alive through so many
bouts with the depression, and he canít help but feel that he
failed you at the end, unable to do anything but help you home
to ease the pain; he feels guilty being the one to make the call
and choose the day. I keep telling him you love him and that he
did right. Vern, we know how much you love us, and we know you
know how much we love you, but our hearts still break that our
big boy canít snuggle with us any more.
Beautiful boy, we took one of the locks of fur you gave us your
last day on earth to your favorite park, and we buried it under
a unique tree along the main path by where you stopped and
smiled that last Saturday (Tinkerbell helped). It felt good to
think a part of you would always be able to find your way back
to that place. It felt so wrong walking out of the vetís that
day, leaving you behind on the examination room floor. I know
you had already left us, because I watched you go, but I still
wanted to gather you up and hold you close and never ever let
go. I wanted you to get up and come with us. I just wanted more
time with my precious boy.
I read the posts of pain from the other mommies and daddies on
(the Petloss board). My
special boy, will you tell all their furchildren how loved they
are, please? Your Grandpaw isnít doing very well, Handsome. Will
you please tell Sammey and Rowdy heíll be there, soon? He will
want to visit with you, too, for a bit, -- he was pretty choked
up when I told him youíd gone. Please give my love to Peanuts,
Mittens and Tigger, for me, and remind them that I love them and
that I still miss them, too.
Mommy loves Vern.
It's been a year
Hi, my boy!
I can't believe it's been a year
since you left us. I still see your face in my mind, every time I
turn around, every time I close my eyes. I miss you so much,
still. I still choke up when I tell people about you. I still cry
when I look at your pictures. It's taken me a year to finish
writing it all down because I can't see through the tears.
You would be so confused right
now, Boo Boo Bear. Oh handsome, boy, what a mess we've made. I
couldn't take what your Daddy was doing to me anymore, and he went
too far. Now he can't see his Tinkerbell because he can't behave
around Mommy. And sometimes I think about all this and I'm glad
you're gone because I think we'd have killed each other over you,
and because I don't know how you'd have handled that last night.
But oh God I wish you were here,
now. Now I sit and look back on your life and I remember how you
reacted when I gave you the liver that last week. You looked
amazed. How long had it been since you had that? How long since
we'd taken you to the park regularly? How many nights did we take
you for granted? I remember even when you were sick and I was
crying and your Daddy shoved you away. I don't do that anymore,
Mommy's boy. I am spoiling these babies ROTTEN and I tell them all
about you every second that I do.
But I think you'd have liked this
new house, Boo. Well, I think you would when I'm done, anyway.
It's a "fixer". I found some cheap tile, cheaper than vinyl and I
can put it down myself, so the kitchen floor, once it's fixed,
will be tile. So will the bath. I remember how you used to love to
lay on the tile hearth at the first house we had. You remember --
back when you were small enough to fit on a hearth. And the yard
is a good size for you to dig up with glee. Tinkerbell likes to go
under the porch and I think you would, too. She's doing better,
but she's awfully confused by all this. I know she'd be easier
about it if you were here. The front yard is fenced, too, so you
could hang out with me while I worked on that. And, well, there's
always enough room on the bed now for a Boo Boo Bear.
I miss you, Handsome. There were
times you were the only one who "got it". You never understood why
you couldn't be my "boyfriend" and honestly, Baby Boo, I don't
know anymore, either. You always treated me better. You were
willing to give. You could listen and you could laugh and you
could play. I cry so much anymore for everything I lost and
everything I gave up. I wish I made a difference but I didn't even
exist. I just want a second chance with my boy. I just want to
You know we got Tinkerbell a puppy
-- Starbreaker. He's a cutie and he's growing fast. Oh, but it was
a mistake to get a baby with the same shape face as you, Boo. I
walked into the bedroom three days ago and saw him on the bed and
nearly tripped and fell. Oh, he looked just like you. Poor little
muffin had no idea what was wrong. And he's an awesome baby. He's
his own "person", not a carbon copy of you, which is good. But I
wish you were here to help me teach him. You could get through
that "Puppy ADD" to get his attention, I bet. Oh, and he sings off
key, Boo. He needs a teacher who can counteract Tinky and Mommy's
bad singing lessons. But he's in love with your kitty, and she's
starting to warm up to him, too. She just flopped down and let him
slurp her, instead of running or smacking him, for the first time
ever yesterday. I think she misses having a big brother to play
Mommy made that picture of you a
year ago and hasn't been able to sit down and draw since. I can't
concentrate long enough to get anything done. I am glad I drew it,
though. I hung it on my wall by my computer monitor and I look at
you all the time. It reminds me that you're no longer in pain. It
reminds me that you're free. It reminds me that it took love and
courage to do the right thing and set you free. I will never ever
forget you, Handsome boy. You are forever in my heart and soul.
Mommy see you soon enough, Baby
Boo. I'll send a few friends up for you to play with between now
and then. When I do get there, we'll have a big barbecue (nobody
we know, though -- that would just be awkward), and after we eat
you and I can play "you can't catch me" one more time. How about
Mommy loves Vern.